


What You Didn't Let Me Say

by ead13



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Gen, Letter, Parent/Child relationship - Freeform, curse the need for simplistic dialogue choices, naturally wasn't able to in game, what I actually wanted to say to him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-11-07 10:12:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17958515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ead13/pseuds/ead13
Summary: Vera writes a letter to Shaun (or, Father, as he is apparently known) after they parted ways over moral disagreements. Whether it ever gets delivered is questionable, but she had to put those feelings into words.





	What You Didn't Let Me Say

Dear Shaun,

The day the bombs fell, I distinctly remember watching you sleep in your crib and wondering what you would grow up to be. Your father and I had so much hope even though the world around us was crumbling. Yes, the world clearly changed from the one I imagined you fitting into, but even taking this into account, I never would have expected to see you grow up into the man you are now. Any mother would be proud of the role of leadership you have taken, of your great advancements in academia, but my words to you on the balcony of CIT were true: you ended up being a disappointment.

That sounds cold and heartless to say, but wasn’t it cold and heartless to leave me frozen until by some whim you wanted to do an experiment with me? Predicting I wouldn’t survive out here? When I confronted Kellog and he called me a frozen dinner, I wanted nothing more than to rip his throat out. How much more it hurt to have a similar sentiment come from my own offspring, even if it wasn’t phrased that way! You didn’t rescue me as soon as possible, you didn’t come get me and whisk me away so we could be reunited, and the fact is you can’t even blame ignorance for that.

To be fair, you are simply a product of your upbringing. You were raised by the Institute, fed the philosophy of a self-serving cult so it was all you knew. I could see it that night, how no ounce of compassion could be found in your eyes when I tried to explain why I sabotaged Bunker Hill. There was only irritation, frustration that someone had acted out beyond your orders and done the “illogical”. Even though I am your mother and I remember a world different than you, you held no empathy for my point of view because it conflicted with your own. You can’t see it, Shaun, but that is the Institute in a nutshell. They see themselves as superior to every person on the surface, sees them as expendable, just playthings for experiments. They raised you from infancy to think the same.

Honestly, I have no hatred against you. All the hate in my heart is directed at the group of people who could rip a baby from his murdered father’s arms, all in the name of science. Is this really making mankind better? Because I truly believe all the science in the world won’t save us if we would resort to such atrocities. Don’t get me started on the other sketchy things I’ve found on terminals around the Institute. Everything with Brian Virgil and the FEV? The Warwick family? Kidnapping the mayor of Diamond City? That is just the beginning! Everyone in the Commonwealth sees the Institute as the monsters, but they continue to play gods regardless. They know better. They know what they do is mankind’s only hope. They delude themselves.

You find it inconceivable that I walk out on the organization you’ve dedicated your life to, but having never left that underground sanctuary a day in your life, you are blind to other realities. You’re convinced your vision for the future is the only acceptable one, but that future is only for your small group. I pray that instead of being stubborn and going down with the ship, you will heed the evacuation call. All you’ve seen of the Commonwealth is a single brief scene of destruction after growing up with all the luxuries and technology you could imagine. Believe me, Shaun, when I first stepped out of the vault, I was overwhelmed by how hopeless everything was. I too had come from a place where things were so much better. But unlike you, I had no choice but to be immersed in it. It is hard to say when the changes started, but somehow I find myself wanting to protect all that is good in this bleak world. There is so much hope, and I feel it every time I sit down and share a bowl of lukewarm noodles with a friend, when a friend has my back in a fight, when the juke box plays and the people start to dance. As a scientist, you should know not to come to conclusions with minimal evidence.

It pains me that there is no convincing you. I was a damn good lawyer back in my day, but no amount of glib can change the course you’ve set in stone for yourself, and likewise I refuse to change my morals just because you are my biological son. Yes, I added biological to that statement. You are the son of the Institute in truth. My Shaun was killed along with my husband. I foolishly hoped you’d be out there and that I could rescue you before harm was done. Then I thought I had only missed a few years, but you were still able to be saved. Turns out you’ve lived over sixty years without your true parents. Can you even comprehend how much your father and I loved you? Did they show you that kind of love growing up in the Institute? Everything I did, every feeble step I took when I emerged into hell, I did for you. Why did I survive against all odds? For you. How was I able to kill your best mercenary? For you. How did I manage to gain entrance into your facility? To find you. At the very least, I can go to my grave knowing I gave it my all even if it was in vain. I hope it stays with you when you go to yours as well.

So, this is likely farewell. Soon, your people will be forced to join the world above that they so callously wrote off as being inconsequential, rejoining the rest of humanity and working together to benefit ALL. Is that a threat to the Institute? Absolutely. I like to think you will lead them when this happens, though you’ve proven remarkably resistant to new outlooks on life. Truth be told, and I know this will vex you, it was a synth (who we all fully believed was human, blame your people for fabricating such things) who taught me to stop living in the past and move on. When I first emerged, I did everything I could to recreate my idyllic house, collecting items and rebuilding furniture and wiring it back up with lights. Now, I’ve decided to leave it as a museum to the pre-Great War, because that’s truly all it ever was, and it trapped me. I’m building a house from the ground up that I plan on sharing with that synth. You see, I’ve decided to build my life with him when this ordeal is over, because any technicalities as to why he is not “human” are irrelevant when you can’t even spot them anymore. You say absurd, but I say this is one of the biggest reasons why I could never go along with the Institute. What they define as human is narrow-minded and exclusive. I bet you wouldn’t like my friend the ghoul either, or the fact that I call the Mr. Handy that used to change your diapers a member of my family. To the notion that their lives have no value, I give the middle finger.

To you, I give a year’s worth of regrets, sacrifices, tears, and adventures. It may not have gotten me my Shaun back like I’d anticipated, but it did make me a stronger person in the end. I guess I can be grateful for that much.

 

Sincerely,

Vera Pendleton, a.k.a. Mom


End file.
